Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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