Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
