I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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