see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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