He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
