God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
