I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
