mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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