Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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