Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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