I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
