Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
