mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
