you would pick up someone in the library
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
