If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
