Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
