dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
