it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
