she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
