i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
