Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize