I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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