the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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