Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
