Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
