Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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