u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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