Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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