I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
