I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
