recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
