Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize