does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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