I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
