apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
