im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
