I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
