The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
