dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
