Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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