well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
