I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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