dude i'm inner monologue high
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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