I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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