his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
