well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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