Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
