I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize