just survived the first fart of the relationship.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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