And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
