I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
