meet me or not, i'm out of control
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
