At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
