Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
