it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
