I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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