So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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