oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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