You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
