I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
