He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
