I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
