Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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