I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
