yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
