I wish you could order shots online.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
