Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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