just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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