Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
