i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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