It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize