Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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