Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
