Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
