one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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