Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's get the cat blown out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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