Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
