no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
