it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
