I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
