and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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