I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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