just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
