I can text with my tongue
I am midnight drunk by noon
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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