I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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