I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
