apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
