turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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