My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
