so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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