I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
