I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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