Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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