Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
