3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
