We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
