Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
