I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
