Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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