ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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