By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize