We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
