what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
