Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
