naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
