very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
