he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
